I love you

And also, It's my Dad's Birthday. Happy Birthday Rudy!

My profits between selling online, and in person were pretty good for the first month :D. I didn't really think anyone would go for the stuff, but some really like it :D. I couldn't be happier. I'll never be a millionaire, but doing what i love, which is creating with my hands, i could not be more blessed.
I now have more courage to put some of my other things out there. If it fails, who cares. I'm doing something that i love.

I'm buying soap supplies today! I couldn't be more excited. I can't wait to send out more gifts. Giving makes me happy. And i like to be happy :D.


Mudvayne - Nothing to gein

Incubus - Make Yourself

I might be taking classes to learn how to be a glassblower! It's like 700 bucks :( so we shall see. And I'm planning a trip for august/september, I'm really hoping i can go to burning man! If not, then I'm not sure where I'm going, or with who. :D

Thanks for stopping by.

The day you ripped my heart out
held it up for me to see
threw it on the ground
to stomp on it
only turning back to spit on it before you walked away...
was the first day i felt real
and accepted life for what it really is

thank you

you asshole

Want some handmade Organic soap? From scratch!

I'll be Short and sweet here..... New Project Runway, AND Avatar in July! I'm so excited I can't handle it!!

Lame.... oh.. i still haven't been drinking! Yay. I'm not quiting, just takin a break i guess.

Oh yeah..... I'm gonna be making ORGANIC from scratch soap. Handmade soap is the mutherfucken best!!!! If i have your address, be warned now, your getting some of my free soap :D. It will be as organic as i can possibly get it, and from the best oils, and butters i can get. It will be one of the best soaps you will ever use, and i bet you wont ever want to use that crap they sell in stores ever again. That shit is nasty. So expect some in a couple months ( i need time for the $$ investment, and curing time )! Anyone who reads this can have some, even if i don't know you. :D. For free of course!
Here's an example of some of the ingredients i will be using in different recipes :

Aloe butter
Avocado butter
Cocoa butter
Coffee butter
Shea butter

patchouli
chamomile
vanilla
coffee
aloe vera


And much more! Couple hundred dollar investment, but i'll be selling some :D.

I played with soap making about a year ago, and loved it!, but didn't really have the space, but now i do! Yay.


Peace! Come down and waste away with me ;P.

Foo Fighters - Everlong ( Acoustic Version )

Maynard & Deftones - Passenger

Marilyn Manson - The Minute of Decay

Chimaira - Pure Hatred GraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA!!!!

Here's a poem for ya :D.

here she comes again
i cant put into words
of even the thought

i cant see the rain
but i can smell her perfume
even from a mile away

she flows, and glows
back and forth
almost never touching

every time i touch her face
i beat faster
but everything stands still

every time her hair hits her shoulder
i surrender to her
loosing myself every time

when we part i do not fret
i do not fall from the moment
i know i will dance with you again

Tonight i feel so lonely here.

Am i such a bad person? lately i wonder. Am I to much of a dreamer?

I can fight all night with myself. Who am i? Who are you?

Tonight I just don't know. It's one of those nights that feel awkward, and clumsy. Almost threatening. My skin is crawling and I need out.

Should I be looking for what everyone else is looking for? Should I be going about my business like everyone else does? The more I get to know myself, the more questions I have. The more I question whether I'm a good person or not. Do I have bad morals? I don't think so, but when you see others point of view, you start to wonder about your own.

Am I so wrong to enjoy what I do? Am I a loser? Am I a whore? Is it wrong of me to believe that one day, I will have a husband and a wife? Am I wrong to believe love can be shared between more then two people that way? Am I crazy?

I feel embarrassed of my doings. I feel others will leave me if they think I am strange. I feel incredible judgment towards me from others, even though I don't judge others.

Is that maybe a problem? The fact that I don't judge, so my views of myself and my doings are now distorted in some moral way?

Why is it one simple thing said, that wasn't even directed towards me, has me up questioning all this. Why am i even questioning? And why am i questioning my questioning?

I guess this is why i never let my mind get quiet.

Happy Birthday C. I miss you :D.

.. to be perfectly honest... (scroll down a bit for that part, it will show ***)

Okay, so for most of my life, there has been many people who don't like me. Now, besides all the people who didn't like me for how i look, or that i smoked weed, or for how i care so much about people ( yes! there have actually been lots who didn't like the fact that i could get along with everyone), there has been many people in my family who don't like me. And i would have to say that, the fact that people didn't like me in my family bugged me the most.

To make a very long story, very short:

Since i'm an adult, and a mother, people take you much more serious. There was this particular aunt, who for the longest time, i swear, wanted nothing but to make my life hell, and i think because she was so unhappy, making me miserable gave her joy. So anyways, i now live in the same household as she does. And all i ever want in life is to be peaceful. Which she seemed to always hate. But, shes finally turning around, and shes so much more happier. So what the bottom line is (because there is soo much not said here that has gone on between us), shes finally give in to my peace, and shes so happy. Since i've moved into this house, i've brought the house together. There are 8 people who live here.So I'm so happy to say, that jolene is now my friend. She asks my opinion on food, clothes, crafts, plants, and her many other ideas. I can read people more then they would like to know. And believe me, this woman, is so happy, sure she still has some downfalls in her life, but this is a big step for her, as well as me.

I drink. Yes, as you know, i like to have a couple of beers. I have ever since i started drinking. I hate to say this, but all i really have wanted in life, is to get so far out of my mind, to experience something other then being sober. I love anything that will get me messed up for a little bit. (P.S. don't talk to me on the phone while im drunk, you will get some monster that wont even remember talking to you, and ill probably argue with you the WHOLE NIGHT on how trees are neon orange, and how i was the creator of music). But, as you know, its NOT the most important thing to me anymore.

I no longer smoke weed, but if you would have known me back in the day, i could of out smoked you any day. I'm small, but man, i love weed. Eat it, smoke it, grow it. It was all i could ever think about. And all i ever did. Canada sounds better everyday! (Seriously what the fuck happened to the U.S. shit son.)

So what else? if you wanna know something just ask, i will answer honesty, but PLEASE do remember what wont be answered one day, might be answered the next. I require patience, and i give so much out, that if you can't have any with me, i can't coexist with you. But, if your reading this, i already know you have more patience then you know.

Luv always, kat, em, emily, chicken kat, smemily, emily c., Chavez, Trevino, Kathy, Mommy
Peace! *** pics are gone

Sooo...

It's been awhile.

I'm conflicted. With everything.

Here's something I've been watching alot of lately.



If you know me, I'm generally a very mellow person. Peace seeker. A hippie as most would say.

There are to many nights, that seem to be ominous. Threatening. Things are so good, and I feel awkward about that. I keep waiting to see what is about to happen. There is always a calm before a storm. But i guess in some cases not. But i say that, to not jinx myself to bad luck. Like some fool trying to counteract. But i guess just in saying that, I've messed that all up.

Everything seems so pure to me now. So raw. Life has so much to offer. More then love, more then security. What I've learned, so far, in my 23 years, is that love isn't what it seems as it did at 13. Or 23 for that matter. What i feel now, is not how i will feel at 33. That people should be appreciated for what they haven't done, but for heaven sake, for what they have done. No one is perfect. And at some point we all need a little bit of help. Who should be made out to be less of a person for that? I've done my share of leaning, and if you ever need someone to lean on, god damn it, I'm here for you. I see so much beauty in people. In everything we do. Good or bad.

I no longer have time to fight. Or more, I don't have any need for it. Patience is hard to find. I'm glad i have most of it on my side. There is so much more out there for me to explore, and to find out. For once in my life I'm ready for it.

It's extremely hard for me to really put into words how i feel. So over the next few weeks I'm going to try.

So, i guess, love is what you make it. Love isn't something only between a male and female. Or mother and daughter. Or sister and brother.
Love comes in many shapes, and sizes, colors, feelings. The best way to love, is expecting none in return. If your reading this, know i love you in some way or another.

I'm wrapping myself in life. I'm breathing all of it in as i can. I'm happy just to be alive, and watch the sunset, or watch my daughter dance. This earth has so much to offer. Even though it has a lot to be scared of too. Don't be scared. It's okay. We can all get through it together.